Who irons?

You just know women felt this way back in the day.

I'm pretty sure none of them actually said "fuck" out loud in the '5o's.

Well....maybe my mom.

She cussed like a sailor.

New Pissy Mobile

This may shock some of you, but I traded in the Beetle.

I KNOW!

I really didn't want to.....I loved that car...it was so ME!

But after you read my story I think you'll understand.

After I finally got my car back from Jack Ingram, it was fine for about a week.

The airbag light had been on for awhile,.....long before the storm, but I thought nothing of it....Little Pissy used to have a Beetle and lights were always on in the instrument cluster and it ran fine, etc.

Anyway, a week after I got it back, another light comes on. This one looks kinda like a "check engine" light, but it had something to do with the electrical system. And I'd start the car and it would die. I'd start it and it would die. Repeat about 5 times. Eventually, if I stepped on the gas while starting it, it would stay started. NOT good.

So we took it to our favorite local mechanic. He had it for two days. He ran diagnostics on it and consulted with the VW dealership in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. It was decided ...based on this consultation....that the Beetle needed an entirely new instrument cluster.

(I asked him if there was any way possible that Jack Ingram could have screwed it up, but he said no, damn it!)

Yeah. They thought the instrument cluster should be replaced.

and it would only cost around $300.00

But what if that wasn't what it was?

What if I got it down there (2 hours away) and it turned out to be something else....something that cost way more than $300.00?

I drove straight from the mechanic to the Honda dealership.

If you're still reading, I won't bore you with the details of negotiations....just rest assured that I had to go all "Jack Ingram" on them when they insulted me by telling me the Beetle was only worth $6000.00.

Uh...nah, dude.

Bluebook on it is $8,505.00.

I'll take it and have it repaired and sell it MYSELF before I let you have it for that.

That was Thursday.

Today they decided to see things my way and I got this:

'07 Honda Civic Coupe EX
40 mpg!!

These aren't the best pictures, I know.
But I wanted y'all to see my new cutie-cute car.
I think it's precious!

If you really want to see some good pictures of it.....click here

This makes the 6th Honda that we've owned....going back to the first one I bought in '92.

and no, I didn't use any of the money from the sale of the house to get the car.....I'll be making the payments on it, just like I did the Beetle.

Anybody need to have DNA testing done?

I have a new car to pay for now, ya know!

I got this as a forward....think I should take the hint?

You know

it's almost summer

when the girls

start showing

their

belly buttons.....

Jeez!
You think she'd have felt a draft or something.

I'm at least 20 pounds overweight,
but I make sure to allow for the extra poundage
where my clothing is concerned.


(This photo is going on my fridge so that I'll never eat again.)

this weekend

We went to Birmingham via Talledega
this weekend for more meetings with wedding vendors.
Sweet Man stayed in Talledega and played golf.

Gabelle, Little Pissy, her fiance, his mother and I met with various vendors
starting at 9:00 Saturday morning until 6:30 that evening.

Then this morning we went and toured a local resort as
a possible wedding night location
and then had a two hour meeting with another wedding planner.

Then drove 2 1/2 hours back to Hell.

We got home at 8:00 this evening.

*sigh*
I am one worn out old broad.

But you know I took pictures...
here they are....


Wildflowers on the side of the road....

These two cuties are Charlie and Yogi
my sister-in-law's new Yorkies.
It looks like Charlie is saying to Yogi,
"Why is this crazy bitch taking so many pictures of us?"

Me and Charlie havin' a moment
(I would have put him in my purse and brought him home,
but my sister-in-law kept a close eye on me.)

Charlie givin' me a kiss....

Of course one of the first things we did was eat
(that's Little Pissy in the background)

We decided on the bridesmaids dresses at this store.

We met with a baker.
She gave us two sample cakes to take with us.
I love her.

This was one of three florists we met with.
We won't be using her.

We went back to the country club to look at the room one more time.
It was set up for a reception.
We decided that we're going to do that same thing with the fabric.
Isn't it cool?

View off deck of Little Pissy's future in-laws
It was like a park....so lovely.

House across the street from future in-laws
those lines are the defroster in the back window of the truck.
Classy, huh?

Even though I'm exhausted, I had a really good time this weekend.
I totally enjoy Little Pissy's future in-laws.
They're clever, funny people and terrific hosts.
They made me feel right at home....
if my home were 5,000 square feet with a park for a backyard.

Little Pissy sent me this.....

it brought a tear to my eye....

Why Pissy is Pissy.....

That post yesterday?

and the Jack Ingram posts?

I used to be that way 5 freakin' days a week when I worked at the District Attorney's Office.

That's how I got the nickname "Pissy".

I stayed pissed off at work constantly!

Imagine dealing with fucktards, assholes, deadbeats, whining welfare mamas who kept having babies....not to mention the lawyers...for TWELVE YEARS!

I got so good at arguing that I would go up to the bench with the baby ADA and whisper to him what point to bring up next.

Or I'd sit at counsel table and write notes to the ADAs telling them what they needed to argue next.

Or we'd just skip the notes and they'd just out-right ask me what they should say next.

I'm not bragging....I'm a professional caliber arguer (is that a word?) and these ADAs were kinda lazy and willing to let me tell them what to say. Less work for them and they knew that I knew what I was talking about.

So yeah.....the arguing....the being pissed off constantly...and being known as a hard-ass-take-no-prisoners-bitch (which I earned honestly)..those are some of the main reasons I quit.

Even with medication......I seem to have a problem with


p.s. I'm testing inmates at two different jails tomorrow.
Should be interesting...... ;-)

Thank god I only do this 3 days a month....

DNA testing is never dull.

Today's testing was as hectic and fraught with confusion and bullshit as ever.

So I'm tired and will only share with y'all what I consider to be the top three moments in collecting today.

They are as follows:

1. The "AF" (child support speak for "alleged father") who only had two bottom teeth.

That's right.

Two.

And he appears to be on the verge of losing those two.

2. The Mexican AF who only had two fingers on his right hand.

The case worker came in while he was there and kind of hung around....which was odd. She just kinda kept looking at him....

After he left, she said she'd had the hardest time locating this AF.....for two years this case worker had been calling all the painting contractors around our area to ask if any of them had "a one armed Mexican painter" working for them.

Yeah. The baby's mama described him to the case worker as "a one-armed Mexican who paints houses for a living."

Ummmmm.....he still has both arms, you stupid whore!

It's fingers that he's missing!

Jeez!

Take notes next time.

3. Ah....this one was probably my favorite.....

This AF just got out of prison.

Hard time at Fountain Correctional Facility.

He, the mother and the child were scheduled to come in last month.

At different times of the day.

The reason for this is because this AF was ESPECIALLY insistent that he, the mother and the child all be tested at the same time. He wanted to be in the room with them. He was INSISTENT!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

This AF wants to hurt somebody....probably the mother. So we schedule them at different times. None of them showed up last month.

Today the mother and child came at 10:45.

The AF showed up an hour later.....and according to the receptionist~was LIVID that the mother and child had already come and gone.

I wasn't letting this crazy, pissed off ex-con come in to the small room where I test....they don't pay me enough to do deal with pissed off ex-cons.

So the case worker, the director of the DHR and I went to the lobby to talk with this guy....to explain that all parties don't have to be tested at the same time....that's not unusual....not a big deal....we can test him alone....etc.

Uh no. This guy wasn't having it and tried to intimidate the case worker...saying she'd" lied to him " and "promised him they'd all be tested to together"...the way he'd "insisted"....the way he "told her he wanted it to be."

Ummmmm....Dude? Maybe you got to tell your prison bitches "how it was gonna be"....but that shit doesn't fly out here in the "real " world.

You don't get to insist shit! You don't get to tell us how "you want it to be". WE tell you or we see you in court.

Which is what I told him in my "Jack Ingram Volkswagon" tone of voice.

So we'll be seeing him in court next month.

Where I will test him surrounded by sheriff's deputies with guns.

Yeah.

Insist on THAT, bitch!