"Shake it! Shake it like a Polaroid picture!"

The Genius of 'Hey Ya!'
Charlie Brown style

Merry Christmas, Baby Dolls!

See ya in '08!

Bridal Showers of the Rich and Famous

Yes, y'all.

I, Pissy of the Southern Circle of Hell, went to a bridal shower of the rich and famous today.

The shower was held for a truly lovely girl, a former classmate of Little Pissy's....a girl I've always been fond of....otherwise? There is no way in Hell I would have gone to this little soiree'...trust me.

This girl has accomplished everything you can think of....and then some. I won't go into all of it~just know that she was National Cheerleader of the Year her senior year of high school, was first runner-up in the nationally televised 'Miss Teen USA Pageant', was SGA president at the University of Alabama, worked in Washington D.C. upon graduation from college and is now marrying an NFL football player. He plays for the New England Patriots.

And the above is but a short list of the highlights of her life.

Best of all: she is one of the nicest and most down to earth young women you would ever meet.

Just sweet and genuine.....so refreshing.

Love her.

Love her parents.

Loved the woman at whose home the shower was held.

The house looked something like this:Seriously.

only it was brick.

The brunch was fabulous
and held in the "banquet room" of the home.
You read it right:
"banquet room"
not
"dining room"
which they also have, of course
but
"banquet room"
this picture doesn't do the food justice.

It was quite a spread.

There must have been 75 women there.
Most...the type of women that I never speak to.

Oh, I know them...and they know me....
but they're snobby bitches...
married to Doctors, Lawyers, Bank Presidents,
Business owners...old money people
the type of women you find in small Southern towns
Big bitchy fish in shitty little ponds
whatever....

they were dressed like this *
only with less attractive headgear

the multitudes of young women there were
dressed very fashionably.
I loved most of their dresses
they looked sort of like this.

I wore this:

yeah, that's right
the same dress and black capri leggings
with black ballerina flats
that I wore to GA Belle's
birthday brunch.

It was good enough to wear to my own fabulous daughter's brunch,
in freakin' Atlanta
it was good enough to wear here in Hell.

I know....
I'm such a rebel....
(roll eyes....)

* My apologies to all you Harry Potter fans....

'"I Hate Dentists'": Part 2 of a 3 part story

Y'all.....I am SO tired of this shit!

After spending an hour in the dentist's chair on Tuesday, he informed me that I'll have to go back Thursday so he can "finish" the scheduled work. He "ran out of time".

Goddamn it!

Two trips to the dentist in one week?!?!?

Looks like bad karma has come around to bite me in the ass....GAH!

The appointment was so bad on Tuesday that I've felt like crap ever since.

The dentist gave me so much novacaine (sp?) that I was numb on the left side of my face~from ear to chin~for five hours after the appointment!

Wednesday I felt like such crap that I almost canceled my session with Suzie.

I said "almost".

I went ...did the work out...ate lunch...then crashed feeling like I had the flu....for the rest of the day and night.

Woke up this morning feeling better....did some stuff around the house...started feeling like I had the flu again...slept three hours...missed my session with Suzie and yoga class.

Goddamn dentist!!!



p.s. pray for me that tomorrow's appointment won't suck like Tuesday's appointment did.

Damn it!

Y'all may not see me for a couple of days.

I have an appointment with the dentist at 10 a.m.

Not looking forward to it.

Lost part of a tooth waaaaaaaaay in the back.

Repairing that should be fun.....

Lots of shots and a sore jaw......

Not to mention the two other places he wants to "fix".

Oh...and I haven't told y'all, but the dentist thinks I need braces....
he's referred me to an orthodontist.

Stop laughing!

I'll look cute in braces!

DNA Update!

I know y'all are just DYING to find out what happened with the lab.

What?

You're not?

Too bad!

Y'all know I tell every damn thing that happens in my life...why start holding back now?!!?!?

Yeah....so yesterday....I've just finished working out for 2 hours....eaten lunch....walking around Burke's to put off going to Wal-mart.

My phone rings. It's the lab.

Lab: "Pissy? You sound so much happier today! Not that I blame you for being so angry yesterday..."

Me: (laughing) "Hi!...Yeah, I'm happy...it's the endorphins...what's up?"

Lab: "Dale County just called. Supervisor must have thought about this all day. She's requested a new collector."

Me: (still laughing) "That's cool. Did you tell that fucking bitch that I wasn't going back there anyway?"

Lab: (laughing) "Now, Pissy......you know we couldn't tell her that! We did tell her, however, that you had told us what happened and that you'd given a different version than what she was telling us. "
Me: (not laughing anymore) "What the fuck?!?!? What did that dried up bitch say about me?!?!?"

Lab: "Now Pissy (they say that to me a lot).....it's not worth repeating. We didn't believe her anyway....but I WILL tell you that Supervisor said you'd gone out the back door to avoid testing the client. Of course we told her that wasn't possible, since you'd told us that you'd seen the client sitting in the lobby."

Me: "That goddamn muthafucking lying bitch! I don't even know where their goddamn back door IS!"

Lab: "Now Pissy (see?)......it's o.k. We wouldn't want you to go back to that county under these conditions anyway. Don't worry about it. We know she's lying. But she's our customer...we'll have to find her a new collector."

Me: "Good luck with that!"

Lab: (sighing) "I know! If you weren't good enough, who's going to make her happy? Jesus? Santa Claus?"

Me: (laughing) "Nah....that bitch would complain about Mother Teresa. I know this is politically incorrect~but y'all might want to consider finding a deaf-mute to take the job."

************************************************************************************

So there you have it, kids....the official ending to my career as a DNA collection specialist.

Hope y'all have enjoyed the ride as much as I have!

Adventures in DNA collections: "Pissed off is the new brown " edition

Y'all......

I was SO pissed off this afternoon......

Probably as pissed off as I was at the assholes at Jack Ingram.

Remember them?

This time it was the dried-up-prune-faced-ugly-ass-hump-backed-polyester wearing-3-pack-a-day-smoking-fucking BITCH of a child support supervisor at DHR who pissed me off.

Calls me on my cell phone when I'm already back in Enterprise....25 miles away from her office....leaves me a message telling me to call back...I failed to test someone and the person was there waiting....I call her back...and nicely tell her there must have been a lack of communication...I didn't know there was anyone else to test....that I'm not going to drive back to Ozark....she gets shitty with me...I don't back down...won't let her bully me into it....and the goddamn bitch says, "I'm not arguing with you anymore!" and then hangs up on me?!?!?!?

Oh, I don't think so!!!!



I called the lab...told them what happened...that I didn't have to put up with shit like that...and that I quit.

They begged me not to....

Humph!

They're gonna have to beg a lot harder and back that up with more money!

Where was this chick when I needed her?!?!?

Hot Time in the City

Yeah, Baby!

I don't really have time for the post that y'all deserve to read 'cuz I'm about to leave to go buy booze for Little Pissy's party, so here are some pictures.

Just know that while I've been here I've had lunch at a quaint and lovely French restaurant and a super fun pub, shopped at Lennox on my own and with Little Pissy...(we closed the place down that night), been all over cute downtown Decatur and ate at a Waffle House right up the street from the ORIGINAL Waffle House...which is being turned into a museum.

Yeah.

A museum.

Stories to follow.

It was brezzy on that playground.....

The artists and their masterpiece

I would pass out if I did this.....

Don't they look cold?!?!?

GA Belle's beautiful, naturally curly hair.

It's alright to be jealous.

These "gifts" under the tree at Lennox were the size of my car.
I want all my gifts to be in boxes that big.

potential mother -of-the-bride dress
(didn't get it)

I love the neckline on this one....
but it did "poochy" things to my armpits
didn't get it....

Another view of the dress I didn't get (but loved)
it JUST fit...
I mean...if I gained an inch in my torso, it wouldn't have fit.

I DID get a dress.

It is so special and I got SUCH a deal on it that it deserves a post of its own.

Hope everyone has had a fabulous week!