Dear Rude Mommy:
I knew you were trouble the minute I saw you drive up in your golf cart decorated with streamers.
Its a golf cart. Not a banana seat bike from the 60's.
Then when I saw that your bathing suit top didn't match your botttom?
It was ON!
What on Earth possessed you to bring your husband and your two-whiney ass-attention-seeking- spawn and alllllllllllllllllllllll your pool paraphernalia down to where I was sitting?
Was it the fact that I was alone?
Listening to an i-pod?
Relaxing?
Possibly asleep?
Yet you continued to haul all your shit and plunk down next to me even though there were only 5 other people at the pool.
Lots and lots of other places to plop down.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I was the chosen one!
Then you unload your three duffle bags of pool toys, floats and goggles and put them all in the pool right on the steps so that I'd have to shove them out of the way to get in the pool.
Nice move.
So now you're all set up. Having fun "family time". The kids keep screaming that "Daddy hasn't paid any attention to me"....or Daddy's only playing with Bubba....not me".....or "my butt itches from the chlorine". Charming.
Against my better judgment, I get in the pool to cool off.
Your daughter proceeds to play "dolphin" and splash me like I just went down the log flume at Six Flags Over Georgia.
I shake it off. Get back out.
It's been thirty minutes now.
You suddenly announce LOUDLY that y'all "need to leave because Bubba hasn't had his nap."
WTF?
You didn't know that 45 minutes ago when you left your house?
You schleped all that shit to the pool for 30 minutes?!?!?!?!?
Just long enough to annoy the living shit of me and destroy the peace of the afternoon.....
You, Rude Mommy, are an inconsiderate bitch.
One more thing: you need to wax that pelt on your husband's back.
Poor sucker.
All that back and shoulder hair AND he's married to you.
Signed,
Woman who glared at you for 30 minutes
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you need to do like me..when people like that find me..I pretend that I have torretts and start twitching my head, neck and spit out curse words...they usually move ...and pretty fast at that..
ReplyDeleteSo much for a relaxing afternoon. Sorry girl. =P I like yellowdog granny's idea.
ReplyDeleteAnimals! Other than that encounter I hope you had a great day.
ReplyDeleteI knew I shouldn't have grabbed that extra bag of pool toys today...dammit.
ReplyDeleteShit. I HAVE 2 annoying, splashing, rowdy kids and even I can't stand bitches like that...?!
ReplyDeleteThe sad thing is, those people don't even know how obnoxious they are. They think just because they've spawned 2 beasts they are ENTITLED to do whatever they want to make the world the most wonderful place for said spawn. Ugh.
ReplyDeletejackiesue: Excellent idea! Next time..... ;-0)
ReplyDeleteyerdoingitwrong: yeah....I think I'll just go during the week from now on...or use jackiesue's idea! :)
corky: I KNOW! Other than that~I had a nice afternoon...thanks! :)
sunshine: Where'd ya leave the other two kids? ;-)
eve: I don't the children would have bothered me HALF as much if it hadn't been for their mother!
curly glamour girlie: That would explain a lot....especially the HUGE camera with ginormous lens the mom got out to take pictures of her lovelies.
ReplyDeleteThere was a lot of action packed in to those 30 minutes.
Let me tell ya!
That sucks. Sorry it messed up your day. And um...I had a banana seat bike in the 70's, early 80's and it ROCKED! But I was a kid and not a mom with 2 kids and a furball for a husband.
ReplyDeletej r: I had a banana seat bike too! In the late 60's early 70's...it was awesome! But yeah...you and I weren't moms when we worked the streamers...we were kids!
ReplyDeleteWhere's the Mother's Day love? I thought you all had a special handshake or something. You're not very nice when you're grouchy. And where are the pool pictures?
ReplyDeleteYou should have drowned one of the little bastards. Surely, you could have fixed the DNA evidence to frame Momma or Bubba.
rat: What? Now you have a "softer side"?!?!?
ReplyDeleteThe mother was just a huge annoyance. The kids were just being kids...acting the way kids do with no supervision. No point in drowning them.
I couldn't have drowned the mother if I'd wanted to....she was pretty hefty and more importantly, not worth the time I'd have to do at Julia Tutweiler.
I loathe mommies like that fool. She's a freak of nature and is only perpetuating the freak show with her children.
ReplyDeleteI think she should have to teach in my school for ONE day the week after the stupid SOL tests. I will not assist that wench. I will, however, assist my kids in torturing her ass.
I will also make certain to have one of them spit on her in retribution for her dolphin girl splashing you.
LMAO! This is why I hate going to the pool at my apartment complex. It's bad enough that the unsupervised brats throw shit at my dog in the only close designated spot where I can take her to do her business. They've gotta invade the pool, too???
ReplyDeleteOh Pissy, Im sorry Sweety, but I had to laugh! I know the kind of people you mean...always loud and obnoxious....lol. Thank goodness you only had 30 minutes of them...but it probably felt like 3 hours!
ReplyDeleteYou poor thing - subjected to pure hell on your special day.....Here's to running the other direction next time you see them!
ReplyDeleteYou should be happy they were only there for 30 minutes as opposed to an hour or more.
ReplyDeleteGod that was painful to read...almost as bad as being there...almost.
ReplyDeleteOoooh. I love a good horror story!
ReplyDeleteYou need your tiara on when you go to the pool. I love tiaras. They make you look like you can do anything you want to.
ReplyDeletePrecious little spawn..raised by Mommas who read raising children books.No offense..but sometime the book is wrong...lol
ReplyDeleteShe gives mommies a bad name.
ReplyDelete(I'm sure she had highly nutritional snacks in her Walmart sack too...right?)
they need to learn and beat their kids will hoses like i do! :)
ReplyDeleteremind me never to piss you off, ok?
ReplyDeleteafter Jack Ingram, and this pool story (and the fact that you are now sort of a private investigator), i don't want to get on your wrong side ;-)
boy am i glad i was alone at the office today LOL that was hysterical.. you are too much...
ReplyDeleteOMG, that ALWAYS happens to me! I'll be at the pool or the beach and of course the family with 10 screaming kids plops down next to me. SO annoying.
ReplyDeleteBack hair is a curse but marrying a bitch is hell. I feel sorry for that poor shmuck.
ReplyDeleteNote to self: Never read Pissy's blog at work when the phone is ringing and I'm laughing my ass off too hard to answer!
ReplyDeletebeth: heh! Thanks for reading this far back! ;-)
ReplyDelete...and thanks for visiting! :)