Adventures in DNA collections: Smooth Operator Edition

It finally happened.

I got hit on today during DNA collections.

I'm not counting the prison guard at the jail last month.
That's another story....

So today, in bops this tall, skinny white guy in his early 30's......super perky and friendly.

As we're both taking our seats to begin the paperwork, he says: "You really do the color pink well....your blouse, your shoes...looks good on you!"

me: Thanks.

him: "I don't know why I have to take this test. I know she's my daughter. I've been her Daddy for 5 years....since she was born."

me: (trying to be nice and make conversation) " I have daughters too. But they're older."

him: "Older? What? Like 11?"

(OOOOhhhhhh.....he's so smooth!!!!!)

me: "No. Like 27 and 24."

his oh-so-clever reaction: "Wow! That Oil of Olay stuff really works!"

Yes. He ACTUALLY said those words......

So if anything should happen between me and Sweet Man, I'll be looking this dude up and I'll know where to find him.

Wanna know why?

As he was leaving he made sure to tell me he works 2nd shift at the Waffle House.

You know.

In case I want to stop by and see him sometime.

Be still my heart.....

Our bountiful harvest

So far all this.....

has produced this....

I'm sure this is a High Holy day in Hell....

"HAPPY 666, Y'ALL!"

?#?%!*&?@%$ BLOGGER!!!!!

I have a veggie garden post all ready to go.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOO because Blogger is being a bitch and won't let me upload my pictures.

For some reason, it let me upload this clipart of my idealized vision of myself gardening.

Stop laughing!

It could happen!

The Plague upon Pissy

I am officially freaked out now.

I didn't post about my most recent frog home invasion because I figured y'all were probably tired of hearing about them by now.......

But when I encountered one today at the pool..... I decided I'd better go back to last Saturday when I came home from Gulf Shores......

Yeah. You guessed it.

I walked in to the bathroom here at home, lifted the lid on the toilet, and there it was.

Just sitting there.

Staring at me.

Wondering where I'd been.

Sweet Man said he hadn't seen any the entire 6 days I was gone.

Well of course not!

That's because they wait for ME!

So this morning I get to the pool. No one is there but me. What should be swimming around???

I know y'all are thinking: that's not unusual. Frogs go to water, right?

I've been going to this pool for 5 years and have never seen a frog in it before.

I get the net and fish him out.

A little later, I'm floating near the side of the pool, look over to the decking, and sitting there is the frog I'd fished out!

What are the odds that the frog would come to the exact spot in the pool where I was?

Pretty slim, I'm thinking.

I read an article here that stated that since 1989 populations of amphibians seem to be rapidly disappearing.

I can solve their little mystery.

They're disappearing from the rest of the world because all the little fuckers are here in Hell following me around!

Does this mean Jenny Craig will want their money back!?!?!?

Saw this vision of loveliness on
The Velvet Hot Tub

today

And she was looking so good.....

Wedding Season.....

I wasn't going to post today because I'm just too pissed off...

then I got this photo in a forward....

Guess this is one reason not to get married on the beach!