...and y'all wonder why I call it Hell....

This was the lead story on the news this morning from our State's capitol........


August 16, 2007


Big first day at Bass Pro
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Seven minutes after the doors opened Wednesday night at Prattville's Bass Pro Shops, fire officials closed the turnstiles because the sprawling 185,000-square-foot megastore had reached its capacity of about 3,100.

Yeah. Big news. The first Bass Pro Shop opened in the area.

Woo Hoo!

Thankfully, I'm about to get in my car and drive to Atlanta.

The excitement around here is just too much for me.

On the road again......

I'm sure y'all are thinking: does this bitch ever stay home?!?!?

*sigh* I really should.....

but duty calls....

in Texas.

My niece (daughter of my favorite brother) and her husband will be at my brother's house for a couple of days before the husband leaves for Iraq in September.

My niece is pregnant with their first child.

My sister-in-law decided at the last minute (while we were in NYC) to throw them a big baby-shower-farewell-party.

We're talking 80 guests so far.

Luckily, sister-in-law is having it at a local venue...and it will be catered.

I hope.

I spoke to her last night and she hasn't even ordered the food!!!!!

Good Lord!

She says..."well....it's only bar-b-que".

Yeah. But who's going to serve it?

I'm happy to go out and be supportive....I'll enjoy seeing all my family....but my happy ass isn't flying to Texas to dish out bar-b-que!

I told her to line up some friends and co-workers to help serve.

I plan on looking too cute to be ladling out food to a bunch of people I don't know.

I leave Thursday.



















*No. These are not my suitcases. These are cardboard and would never survive plane travel.
Or hold all my stuff.

It only gets worse.....

This afternoon I went to the county jail to test the inmate "mother" of the child.

While I was waiting for her to be brought in, one of the administrators told me that this wasn't this particular inmate's first trip to the rodeo.

Yeah.....turns out this woman has been in prison before....for the very same offense.

And get this: prison is where her current husband (the cancer ridden man of yesterday's post) met her!

The dumb ass was there visiting his wife-at-the-time (evidently this guy really knows how to pick 'em) when he spotted this chick across the prison yard.

It was love at first sight....hillbilly-prison love~ but love none the less.

He divorced one female prisoner and married another....this one....the one who went on to rape his 12 year old son.

One of the guards brought her in.....

I was surprised by how young and fresh faced she was....pale skin, freckles, wide eyes, full lips...what I normally would have considered a pretty girl.

It was still hard to look at her.

Especially knowing that she was a serial offender...sexual abuser of children...

I took the sample and as I finished filling out the paperwork, I told her that I'd tested her baby yesterday...what a beautiful child she was....

The inmate's response: "I know. My husband told me you held her yesterday."

Ummmm...okay.

After the inmate was led back to her cell, the administrator told me that the cancer-ridden husband comes (in his wheelchair) to visit the inmate every day...... that the husband has complete confidence in her and knows that the baby is his.

I no longer feel sorry for him.

I hope the baby IS his....then his poor 12 year old son will be spared DNA testing.

I don't know whether to be sad or disgusted....

so I'll just be both.

I had a case today that makes me seriously consider quitting the DNA collection job.

A foster child was brought in to be tested....a baby...barely 3 weeks old.

The "alleged father" was also there to be tested.

The "mother" is in jail.

The baby was absolutely beautiful....so sweet and tiny.

The "father"...*sigh*....the father....so sad.....suffering from the effects of Chemo...using a walker...frail...needed help getting up and down from the chair.

Turns out...there is another "alleged father".

The 12 year old son of the frail, cancer ridden man I tested today.

The "mother" of the baby is in jail for molesting the12 year old...her stepson.

She's awaiting sentencing.

I don't know when I'll be testing the 12 year old.

I can hardly stand the thought of it.

I don't know if I can do it.

I'm scheduled to go to the county jail and test the "mother" tomorrow.

I would decline testing her...mostly because it makes me furious and physically ill to think of what she did, but if I don't do it, it will just prolong the processing of the case.

So I'll do it.

My question is: how do I get a sample from her without throwing up?

People are stupid: part 203 in a continuing series

Y'all know I'm having an engagement party for Little Pissy and her fiance on August 25th, right?

I've reserved the pool at the club for the party. I've hosted many parties and showers there....some of you may remember....and even remember the pictures of those events. I'm too pissed off to provide a link. But trust me: it's a nice place.

So imagine my delight yesterday afternoon when I arrived at the pool to find this:


but all over the brick walls of the pavilion. Nice, huh?

Turns out....some single, neglectful mom/ pharmacist/rich neighborhood ho ~threw a 13th birthday party for her daughter the day before. Stupid bitch gave the kids "washable" grafitti paint and those kids went to town on those brick walls.

Sure....they tried to clean it off...but it didn't come off.

I'm calling both of the owners of the development today.

That shit WILL be off those walls by August 25th, goddamn it!



p.s. The reason I knew who did it? The neglected children of this stupid bitch were at the pool. ALONE. Which is not allowed. They told me they did it....volunteered the information. So yeah...a barely 13 year old and an 11 year old are alone at the pool.....there is no lifeguard of course....and the rules at the gate say "no unaccompanied children under the age of 16". Guess that rule doesn't apply to stupid bitches.

Woot!

As of today, I've lost 23 pounds and have reached my original goal weight.

I celebrated by eating a 2 piece chicken strip kid's meal from Sonic. (Only 5 Weight Watchers points)

I've decided that I want to lose another 10 pounds. I'm not stressing about it....it can come off when it comes off. I plan on continuing with what I've been doing....and I'm expecting to lose some during the boot camp. But maybe I'll gain some.....muscle weighs more than fat and all that...all I know is: I want arms like that chick's a few posts down.

Hope everybody has a great weekend!

Alas.....

slow news day at DNA testing yesterday.

All the people who came in must have been on medication.....or been smoking weed. They were a pretty mellow bunch.

Instead...I offer this....which Little Pissy sent me.

I still laugh every time I look at it.