I'm trying not to.....

I've considered posting about this before and could never bring myself to do it.

Even now....while I'm typing this....I've typed whole paragraphs and deleted them...not sure exactly how I wanted to say what I want to say.

So I'm just going to say it: my husband and I are separated. We have no plans to divorce at this time. We consider each other good friends, and economically for both of us it makes the most sense to remain married.

When I first moved to Atlanta, it was with the intent that I would go back and forth to Alabama. Spend time in both places. This would be a trial of sorts for both of us to see how we liked being on our own. Over the course of the summer and then into the fall, I spent less and less time going to Alabama. My husband NEVER comes to Atlanta. He doesn't like it here. At all. I respect that. Just as he respects the fact that I'm bored with living in small town lower Alabama.

These past six months have taught us both quite a bit about ourselves: Mike has found that he enjoys living alone. He's 62 and this is the first time in his life he's ever lived alone. He's enjoying being able to do his own thing (golf 6 days a week) without having to worry about anyone (me) being upset about the amount of time he spends on the golf course.

I've found that (shockingly enough) I can~ in fact~ live without a dog in my home. This is the first time in 21 years that I haven't had a dog sitting right next to me as I sit on a couch. Yes, I miss my "boys", but I know they're better off, happier, etc....living in surroundings that they're used to. I'm SO fortunate that both of my daughters have dogs (the adorable Reuben and the sweet Sadie) that I get to spend so much time with....so that lessens the pain of being away from my own pups.

I just realized something: doesn't the fact that all I've written about is Mike's golf and our dogs speak volumes about how little there is left of what most people consider a "normal" marriage?

Mike and I have regular phone conversations and they're always amicable. There is no anger and no remorse. We spent months and months before I moved "discussing" the state of our marriage and what led to its decline. There is fault on both sides. But really...as cliche' as it sounds....we simply grew apart. We're both beyond being angry, laying blame, crying, discussing the same issues over and over again. We've done that. And this is where we are now.

We both feel lucky that we've come to this point. That we can speak on a regular basis without there being any angry words exchanged. We share too many years and too many good memories to not be friends. That would be sad. We've discussed how we want to remain friends and be a part of each others lives. I can't imagine it being any other way. I realize that could change....for me or for Mike. But right now....this year....this November....he's coming to Atlanta to spend Thanksgiving with all of us here in Atlanta. And he's bringing the pups.

That's good enough for me.