The Name Game

I was sitting in court this afternoon waiting for the Judge to get to our one case. We'd been waiting awhile, which happens way more than it should. The wheels of justice turn slowly and all that shit. Anyway, I'm sitting there and the mind starts drifting. I'd already had it on my mind all week that City Girl's birthday is tomorrow. She'll be 27. Damn! I'm old. I have a 27 year-old daughter!!!! That led me to thinking of babies in general, especially since the baby Assistant D.A. that I work with is also 27 years old (yeah, he and City Girl went to high school together, this shit just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?) and his wife just had their first baby last week. So of course, that got me to thinking about baby names. I'm allll about baby names. As soon as I found out I was pregnant that was the first thing I did: start thinking up names! FUN!

Well, Gwenneth Paltrow is pregnant again. You know Gwennie: wife of Coldplay's Chris Martin, daughter of actress Blythe Danner (loved her as Will's mother on "Will and Grace") academy award winning actress for "Shakespeare in Love", mother of Apple. Yeah, Apple. I know! It was the name heard 'round the world. People were like: "What the fuck?!?!?" "What kind of a name is Apple? "

Sadly, Apple is just one of the many offspring of celebs who are saddle with such burdensome monikers. There's little "Pilot Inspektor" son of actor Jason Lee, "Poet" (not so bad actually) daughter of actress Soliel Moon Frey ( and herself the owner of a weird name) of Punky Brewster fame(and later "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"), "Paris and "Brooklyn" sons of former Spice Girl, Posh and her hottie soceer star husband, David Beckham. Paris and Brooklyn aren't really that bad either, but for boys???? I hope that hottie dad teaches them how to fight, cuz there's gonna be some tormenting going on when they're in their snooty British boarding schools...
eard that Gwenneth Paltrow is pregnant again. You know Gwennie: wife of Coldplay lead singer,
City Girl is named after one of my favorite areas of England. And no. Her name isn't London. Her's is a lovely name and one which both she and I have been complimented on many times over the years. One of Little Pissy's oldest childhood friends named her child the same name as City Girl-just because she loved it so much. Isn't that sweet? City Girl's name is cool. It's different, but not weird, reminds me of a place I love and suits her beautifully. It will still be appropriate when she's an 80 year old woman. You know, normal.

I didn't choose Little Pissy's name. I made the unfortunate mistake of letting her father choose. He named her after one of "Charlie's Angels" Yeah, You heard me right. The one with Farrah (another weird name). I know, I know. What the hell was I thinking? But I wasn't the Big Pissy then that I am today. I was easily swayed in those days. It took me a few years to be the bitch that I proudly am today and which so often gets me my way :)

Luckily, Little Pissy's name is the best of the three "Angels" in my opinion. Her father named her the character's name rather than that of the actress. So that's something. And no, Farrah wasn't his favorite. The name is spunky and cute. Just like Little Pissy. My problem is that the name is a little too commonly used for my taste. Little Pissy, being the self-confident little bitch-in-training that she is, is ok with her name. I did choose her middle name. Its a good one and lots of people in the south go by their middle names, so that would work if she wanted to use it.

So, that's how we, as common folk, came up with names for our children. Wonder how the Celebs arrive at their decisions... Chillin' at the Spyder Club, listening to DJ AM spin, tossing back some mojitos. Hey, there's a name for Gwennie's new baby! Mojito translates to "little wet one". Seems appropriate. Nah, Gwennie will probably stick with the "fruit theme" she's already got going on. Little Apple's new sib will probably be named Kiwi or pomegranate! Poor kid....