Redneck Moment

Not to piss anyone off, but I experience some redneck moments that I consider too good not to share. Believe me when I say that some of the nicest people I know consider themselves to be Rednecks. Those are not the particular breed of Rednecks I'm talking about here.

This particular breed are R E D N E C K S. There is a difference.

Due to the many sightings I have down here in Hell, I've decided to have a weekly post that I'm calling Redneck Moments. ( Hence, the title.) It may be difficult for me to keep the moments down to just one a week. But I want to keep things fresh, so to speak. So I'll try not to over-share.

Yesterday being New Years day and all, Sweet Man and I decided to go out to eat for a late lunch. First we went to our favorite bar-b-que place. Closed. Then we tried our favorite place for chicken fingers. Again, closed. Apparently all of Hell's finer eating establishments were allowing their employees to enjoy the holiday. So as a semi-last resort, we went to Wendy's. It was either that, or Mc Donald's and I wasn't in a McDonald's kinda place, if you know what I mean.

We get there and of course, it being 3:00 in the afternoon, the place was fairly empty. We walk up to place our order and there she was.

It was the bright red fleece of her pajama pants that first caught my eye. As I got closer I could see that the fabric was printed with large cartoonish black and white penguins. O.K. she looked to be around 16 and it was still technically the "holidays". I would have let that go. But then I saw the t-shirt she was wearing with the pants. It was large, faded and gray. Hung almost to her knees. On the back was printed "Battle flags of the Confederacy". Below that, were of course, all the flags. No, I don't know how many. I was trying not to stare. With this lovely ensemble, she had chosen to wear a pair of fuzzy slippers and her hair in a low ponytail. Of course. What else would one wear with an ensemble such as this?

I was so shell-shocked from this "What Not to Wear" moment, that I hadn't noticed her companion. He had to be one of the shortest adult men I've ever seen in my life that was not a "little person". *editor's note* I'm trying to be politically correct here, people, but in my mind they'll always be "midgets". I'm old school. I can't help it.

This little fella had on what unfortunately around here would be considered a more normal outfit. He was attired in a pair of over-alls covering a long-sleeved Nascar t-shirt. Normally I wouldn't have known it was a Nascar t-shirt, but it had the name DALE EARNHARDT in large letters running down the sleeve. He had on a trucker hat covering his long, gray ponytail. And I'm not talking mullet here. I'm talking full-out ponytail. Middle of his back-ponytail.
The trucker hat was camo. I'm thinking maybe to hide the ponytail? Who knows what he was thinking when he put this outfit together.... Afterall, this man had to be at least fifty-five years old. He probably had been dressing like this for years.

So Sweet Man and I eat our lunch. As we go to leave, we pass the girl and the little fella. I tried not to stare one last time to take it all in. I made a comment to Sweet Man about how nice it was to see a teenage girl and her dad out to lunch on a Sunday afternoon.

Sweet Man said, "You know, Pissy, that wasn't her dad. That was her husband."

It was with that statement, that I proclaim this: "Redneck Moment of the Week".