Friday, April 7, 2006

Adventures in DNA Collection: Jail Edition


This really sucks, but probably no one will listen to it anyway since it's a Friday.....

Hope everybody has a good weekend!

this is an audio post - click to play
Posted by Big Pissy at 4:48 PM

25 comments:

  1. Mr_SelfdestructApril 7, 2006 at 5:53 PM

    What exactly do you mean when you say you "test them"? An are you doing this for the DNA database thingy?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Big PissyApril 7, 2006 at 6:38 PM

    Mr Self: (can I call you that? I'm obtaining dna samples to determine paternity.

    ReplyDelete
  3. SunnyApril 7, 2006 at 7:34 PM

    I LOVED it. You sound like you are 15. :) What a FUN job!

    Question, how do you collect these 'samples'?

    ReplyDelete
  4. hot lipsApril 7, 2006 at 7:50 PM

    Sunny, she hands them a little cup and naked pictures of herself and let 'em at it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Big PissyApril 7, 2006 at 8:31 PM

    sunny: heh! It is fun, really. I collect the sample with a giant q-tip. Well, four of 'em actually. Two for the inside of each cheek.

    hot lips: I would only hand them naked pictures of myself if I wanted a sample of vomitus.

    Which I don't.

    ReplyDelete
  6. hot lipsApril 7, 2006 at 10:09 PM

    Pissy, let's talk about something.

    You know how Maury always does the paternity test shows? And you know how there are always these women who have like a million guys tested and none are the father?

    Well I have a theory about that.

    I think the real daddy is sending in his cousin or brother or homie with his drivers license and having them tested. Not in every case of course. But I do think it has happened a few times. I mean, maybe I'm niave, but come on 12 different guys and none are the daddy? And those women are so sure. And you know that all white people think all black men look the same. So it would be easy to pull that off.

    That's my theory.

    ReplyDelete
  7. KellyApril 7, 2006 at 11:53 PM

    Pissy--Mr. B works in our jail. I have gone to visit him on a few occasions--and it IS scary. It's dark, stinky, loud and clangy. The doors lock you in between them and so on... ick.

    As for the reason you do it--ummm hello? Cute t-shirts.

    Have a great weekend! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mr_SelfdestructApril 8, 2006 at 3:22 AM

    Hmm... perhaps "Mr S." or just call me Rick (ya know, cause thats my name.) Mr Self sounds a bit, well, Self absorbed for lack of a better way to describe it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. TCApril 8, 2006 at 7:39 AM

    Shit! Letting you wander around like that doesn't sound like a proper security arrangement!

    You might be upsetting those nice reformed prisoners and causing a riot! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. CPApril 8, 2006 at 7:43 AM

    *LMAO* @ HOT LIPS!!

    I have a theory too! It's called "everyone looks good at LAST CALL FOR ALCOHOL" Picture it, clubbin' five nights a week, a new guy per night, that's five guys right there! Bam! Now, lets say you had just gotten your period...and it's over. Well now, you have to multiply 5 guys per night over 5 weeks. So, 5(4)+ 2 (because hell, you have to factor in a few gangbangs and threesomes here and there) = 22 men to test!

    It's really basic. *snorts*

    Pissy - That is SO NOT the voice I expected to come outta your latina mouth!!! *L* You sound so...so...TWANGY and southern! Heheheheh. Adorable. Completely.

    Great post. Er, audio.

    CP.

    ReplyDelete
  11. CPApril 8, 2006 at 7:44 AM

    Wow. I suck at math. That should be FIVE guys over FOUR weeks.

    This is what I get for posting at 8am after going to bed at 4am.

    Doh.

    CP.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Tattooless FreakApril 8, 2006 at 8:02 AM

    Sounds like cp has a little experience with "last call".

    The prison swabbing thing seems like it would get old pretty quick.

    Can you still keep your job if you refuse to go to jail?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Big PissyApril 8, 2006 at 10:20 AM

    hot lips: I think your theory has merit. For a t.v. show. Especially one like Maury's.
    But.....I photograph them with a polaroid camera, they sign the photo affirming that is a picture of them, I fingerprint them ANd get a copy of their DL. AND the woman i.d.s them as well....We still test as many men as she names though....

    sluts!

    kb: I gotta say, as jails go, this one seemed pretty clean. But it was a little scary knowing each door locked behind me.... as I was leaving I saw one deputy and he didn't seem surprised to see me alone...

    Mr S: Nah, I didn't think "self-absorbed" at all. I'll call you Rick next time ;-)

    cp: Thanks for doing the math~as I am SO not a math person. Hot Lips always comes up with good theories...that's why she's so much fun!

    as for me sounding "twangy"...it tends to come out more when I'm tired..

    But what did you expect me to sound like?

    You didn't know I was a coconut?

    Monk: It does, doesn't it?!?!?

    Nah, the swabbing will be ok cuz it's so infrequently...3 or 4 times a month. As much or as little as I choose to do it.

    I can turn down doing prison draws, but this one was requested by my friends at DHR, so I wasn't gonna turn it down....

    tc: that's what I thought! I expected them to have someone escort me out the way they'd escorted me back there.....oh, well...

    ReplyDelete
  14. PudApril 8, 2006 at 12:24 PM

    BP that was your voice!?!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Big PissyApril 8, 2006 at 12:54 PM

    pud: yep~ that's my voice. I've done other audio posts before...you must not have heard them...

    what'd you think I would sound like?

    ReplyDelete
  16. SignGurlApril 8, 2006 at 3:50 PM

    I'm telling you, this new job is great blog fodder. Soon you will be enlightening us with your tales of semen being thrown through the bars ala Silence of the Lambs. Ewww...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Big PissyApril 8, 2006 at 3:57 PM

    signgurl: EWWWWWWW...is right!

    If shit like that starts up~I quit!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mr. FabulousApril 8, 2006 at 4:09 PM

    50 miles away? I hope you get paid mileage...

    It's nice to though that if I'm ever up there and get locked up (because those small southern towns LOVE Yankees) I'll have a friend who knows her way around the prison system!

    ReplyDelete
  19. The PhoenixApril 8, 2006 at 8:04 PM

    I thought I sounded young...wow. Wanna go get a frozen yogurt at the food court?

    Soon, we'll see you on Maury.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Big PissyApril 8, 2006 at 9:13 PM

    Mr. Fab: I'm pretty well compensated~otherwise, I wouldn't do it!

    Please~don't hestitate to call me the next time you get arrested 'round these parts for having sex with a farm animal or something.

    I got the hook-ups! ;-)

    Phoenix: heh! Let's hang out! I love frozen yogurt~and then we could to the skating rink!

    Maury~here I come! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  21. SherryApril 9, 2006 at 9:11 AM

    I listened!
    See... plenty of us did even though it's the weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Big PissyApril 9, 2006 at 11:03 AM

    sherry: heh! Thanks for listening to my ramblin'

    and on a SUNDAY! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Shelly @ BewitchedApril 9, 2006 at 11:50 AM

    BP you are one brave chick! I guess I would just be too timid and flat out scared to be in that environment unescorted.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Big PissyApril 9, 2006 at 11:58 AM

    shelly: I think I was too surprised to say anything! Next time I'll ask to be escorted out....Not asking this time was kinda stupid of me....:(

    ReplyDelete
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